it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
