just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
