I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Quick, to the slutcave!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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