i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
