Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
