Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
