My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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