i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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