so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
