I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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