I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
