Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
