Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
