I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think my vagina is haunted
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
