Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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