You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
