I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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