if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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