I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
