Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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