i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
