how do flat chested girls get laid?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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