Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
