I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
