..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
