You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
