My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
