I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
