Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
