Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
