I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Less talking, more tequila
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
