Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
