Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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