Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
