Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
