STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is wine microwaveable?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
