Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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