So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
