I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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