White coat. Heels.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
