It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
