i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
