he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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