Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
