i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
