at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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