I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
