Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
