that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
