the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
