Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
