I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the day after is always just damage control
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
