I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
