I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think your dad took our porno
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
