I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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