It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
