What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
