Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
